I had the idea for this site a while ago, but because I’m better at naming things than executing them, it’s been… languishing. Like, pay the domain registration and hosting for half a year before taking it live, languishing. Obviously I had to register it because I was extremely concerned someone else would scoop up SemiProCockJockey.com, what with how easily it rolls off the tongue. Again, most of my talents lie in coming up with cool names for things and I very rarely translate them into actually accomplishing anything, although clearly I’m fucking trying over here.
Initially this started out as a porn advice blog for new performers. After 3 years in the adult industry, both behind and in front of the camera, I felt like maybe I was qualified to tell you when you should douche with tea tree oil and when you need to spring for iodine. And I still could and would give you that advice, if you needed it. But the truth is that my heart just wasn't in it for that. I stopped really wanting to talk about porn a while ago - I loved being in porn, I had a blast and met so many incredible people. Adult work was never going to be the end all for me, and COVID hastened up a life and career change I was already anticipating this year. With the world on fire and studio pornography off the table for the foreseeable future, taking the site in that direction felt pointless.
Don't get me wrong. I am entirely sure that I'll end up talking about porn on here. I still have so much to say about it, and keeping my mouth shut is not exactly what I'm known for. But as someone far wiser than myself correctly pointed out the other day, trying to fix the adult industry is like opening your veins with a rusty knife to offer a blood transfusion to a Jehovah Witness. Maybe he didn't say it exactly like that. I embellished. But the sentiment was there. Porn is weird and wonderful and often terrible, and for me, it was a great experience. But I recognize that's not the case for many, or even most people, and as much empathy as I have for those people, the truth is that you can't really help someone who doesn't want your help. And bleeding out for something you no longer feel passion for is... dumb. It's really, really dumb.
I do not slam doors behind me. And this is one I'm closing particularly hesitantly. I got into porn because I wanted to write about it, but more than that, I wanted to have stories worth writing about. I plain and simple just wanted to write, more than anything, and to write I knew I had to go build a life, big and messy and full of experiences to pull from. The problem is that while you're out there living that life and creating those experiences, putting them down on paper in a way that's neat and coherent feels so incredibly daunting. You can't see the forest through the trees when you're wandering in the woods. Everything I tried to write down felt like a cheap imitation, the paper felt too small to contain these characters and tell their stories.
So I'm just going to tell mine instead. My name is Kate Kennedy. I am 26 years old. And I am dangling my toes off the edge of a bottomless void. I'm telling jokes and hosting a podcast and writing a pilot, and I am going to make it in Hollywood, god damn it. I am so very, obnoxiously close to getting everything I've ever wanted, and I'm scared out of my fucking mind.